Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
