It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
