Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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