My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
