They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You don't make any sense
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