just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
