It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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