You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
