all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
