last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
