Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize