This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like, not good at living.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
