They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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