Already got asked if we're dating
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
