I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
