K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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