i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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