Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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