her vagine was all disorganized.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
