you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
