I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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