i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
