come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
