You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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