i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
