and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
