Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
