OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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