i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
