I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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