im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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