is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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