so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
