her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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