It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
