And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
