i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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