you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
