i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
