thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
