O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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