nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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