I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
