The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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