fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want to fling myself into the sun
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
