I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
