He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
