hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
BRING THE BAGELS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
