From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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