I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
