whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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