she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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