If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
