I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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