Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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