stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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