My underwear smells like fireworks.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
