Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My penis needs a shock collar
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize
