they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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