If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
