I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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