I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We're too hungover to prance.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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