Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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