I must be too annoying 4 u.
Will you blow on my dice?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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