you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
