he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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